Limits apply to both parties; the Dominant and the submissive. It was a long time before I realized this and even longer before I believed it. For those unfamiliar, limits can refer to things you would never consider doing or simply things that don’t appeal to you, but you might consider under the right circumstances. It seems strange to suggest that a Dom even needs to have limits- isn’t the Dom in control?- but it’s an important insight for both to consider.
It’s for this same reason that safewords can apply to both. Today, not for the first time, I took my Sir to one of his limits and he essentially safeworded out of it. What was different today was that we were able to discuss and examine what had occurred. After all, the point of having a safeword is for when we hit limits that aren’t easily definable as particular actions, and it’s been cropping up enough that, this time, we were able to more closely pin it down.
Discussion is extremely important to me, because I can get very closed off and disconnected without enough of it. I’ve been working on communicating better over the last year or so because of this. We try not to get too wrapped up in semantics while still satisfying that need to understand one another’s position/feelings. So we discussed it and it became apparent today that our perspectives were very different on this subject. His aversion and reasons behind it were surprising to me. I think it might’ve even been surprising to him. Either way, we came to a point where we were both tired of the conversation, and he asked me if I understood his perspective.
I was quiet for a few beats and shook my head without realizing it. “I can see where you’re coming from,” I finally told him. He made sure there wasn’t more to it than that, and then we were done. What was left unspoken is that I can’t see why. The reason it was left unspoken, though, is because it doesn’t matter why. I respect my Sir, and I have no desire to make him uncomfortable. Sometimes communication really is that simple, and sometimes limits are just there to be respected.