I think I have it all wrong… or mostly wrong, anyway. I’ve been reading a couple of blogs about domestic discipline, and they sound different (and yet similar) to what I thought I understood about it. I feel like I generally have a good idea of what to expect from the kink community, despite the fact that there’s a huge range within it. I am on less sure footing with domestic discipline, because I’ve been through a range of reactions since discovering its flourishing community of practitioners.
I must first apologize, sincerely, because my original thoughts about domestic discipline were not very kind. They were incredibly judgmental. I thought that it was kink for people who were too uptight to admit that they had kinky desires. I cringe that I thought such a thing- It made me into one of those people who think submission is for people with no self-esteem. I truly understand the flaws with that way of thinking, because it doesn’t matter if that is what people use it for- if it makes people happy, it’s none of my business. I do not like snobs, and I don’t want to be one.
In changing that belief, I began to learn more. When I started this blog a couple of weeks ago, I kind of thought that DD was D/s (dominance and submission) boiled down to its purest form- traditional spankings to reinforce dominance/traditional gender roles and/or correct unwanted behaviors. What I’ve found is far more interesting than that.
Domestic discipline seems to have as many shades as kink, which shouldn’t surprise me at all, and yet it does. One blog I found by way of My Bottom Smarts is Rogue’s Awakening. I like Rogue. Her style is very readable, and I can easily relate to some of her experiences. Voicette is hands down brilliant. She waffles between wanting spankings and not wanting them. That seems like it would fit with kink, but the tone that she and her readers take about such things is so different. The internal struggle itself is different. Some of her readers have commented that they don’t even like spankings, at all!
It has made me think, and it has changed the way I think, in terms of domestic discipline. The comments have been particularly enlightening. It makes me reflect on my own submission in my relationship. I can’t define how it differs from submission, but I’m beginning to think that it doesn’t matter. It is left largely undefined that there’s an acronym for it; one that suddenly rings true: TTWD. This thing we do.
It’s inclusive. It’s clear. It admits, “What you do may not look like what I do, and that’s okay.”
Please forgive me for being such a prig. This thing you (we?) do is beautiful.