Daily Submissions

Grouchy

Written By: gracie - Oct• 21•11

My mood has been less than stellar today.  I woke up grouchy and just kept on going. That might be a bit of an exaggeration, since it did ease up after my nap, but… yeah. And it’s sticky hot in here, and I’m nervous about tomorrow and I’m sick of getting less than an hour’s notice for when something is happening to the road in front of our house. Did I mention I’m grouchy?

Oh, and I want chocolate like, whoa. Methinks the bloodless hormone fairy is here to see me. How’s that for graphic? Yeah, not so much, I know. It’s not like I don’t have things to share, I just don’t have energy.

Good Night!

Written By: gracie - Oct• 20•11

I love that I get to crawl into bed next to him every night. I love that he adores me. I love that he loves my cat. I love it when I get to suck his cock. I love it when I do my best. I love being in his service. I love him. I am about to go curl up and sleep beside him now, before my typing wakes him up. Good night!

Supremacy

Written By: gracie - Oct• 18•11

In the various communities I’ve participated in with regards to kink, the issue of supremacy seems to come up with some frequency.  When I was young and stupid, I was curious about male supremacy as a philosophy.  It’s been long enough now that I can no longer believe that arbitrary traits linked to biological function really separate us as much as we’d like to believe they do.

I believe that some people are better than others, but that has to do with the general dickishness exhibited by others. It also has to do with the fact that sometimes people are just so incredibly awesome. So, to me, the idea of gender or sexual or racial supremacy doesn’t allow for the fact that there are dicks from all walks, and there are awesomesauce stars from those very same walks.

We all have the capacity to be supreme. The only thing that truly sets us apart as better or worse than anyone else is related to the work we’re willing to do. Again, this is only in my opinion.

I’ll probably expand on this topic further another time. I’ve got to cut it short, for now.

Life

Written By: gracie - Oct• 18•11

Okay, looks like I’m back to regular updates. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and learning and stuff in the meantime, though. I’m feeling better now and have many things to report on. I’m just not feeling as verbose as I used to, for some reason. It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve updated, but I guess not that many important events have really taken place since my last entry.

We’re working on negotiations right now for our contract moving forward. I may post all or part of it when we’ve agreed on the final draft. To be honest, I haven’t touched it for a couple of days now. I want to be clear-headed when I do, but I feel like that may be an issue… my brain has fuzzies on it, and it seems to be getting worse!

I feel pretty proud of myself for how well I’m doing overall. After such a lengthy break from being held accountable for our rules, it usually takes some doing to get started again. Not so, this time. I did my work today without prompting, aside from this writing. I’m just generally pleased. I feel like I’m in a really good place with my moods, mindset and submission. I’ve had some crazy anxiety lately, though.

Meh, I’ll try to write something topical and, y’know, readable another day. For now, I just wanted to say that I’m back. I have had a lot to think about, and I’ve been fairly active on FL, it’s just a matter of getting my shit together. I’m working on it!

Amazing

Written By: gracie - Oct• 04•11

I wore my Sir’s collar for the first few years of our relationship, and then… Various and sundry things happened. I asked to be released from it. He allowed this. Time passed, and then 2010 happened. A year ago today, I was at the lowest point I’ve ever been.

With some amazing help and support, I worked hard to change things from there, and things have changed. I also rediscovered a part of myself I thought I’d lost forever. Over the course of the last three months, my Sir and I have been revisiting my right to wear his collar.

His first instinct was that I had done the work already and could reclaim it whenever I liked, but he knew that I needed to go through a process, to really earn it back. So, he set it up, and it has worked magnificently. I’m within a week of getting it back, but today he decided to grace me with the public collar he first placed around my neck in early 2005.

I am so overwhelmed at this early award; this “anniversary” gift, and I want to thank him for the love, support, and guidance he offered me throughout. His faith in me never wavered.

Next time you see me, that tarnished silver necklace I’ll be wearing is evidence of his dedication to me when I failed myself, and my desire to never fail him again; to continue to learn to better serve him in any way I can. I will forever strive to be worthy of his faith and devotion.

I am his, and my heart sings with this love.

It has come to my attention…

Written By: gracie - Oct• 03•11

I seem to have missed a few days! My Sir informed me that this was unacceptable and will now begin to cost me strings for not updating. Speaking of strings, I am up to around 80! As long as I continue to do well with my schedule, I’ll have his collar back this week! I did struggle a bit with my tasks last week, but I’m off to a shining start today. I’m also doing fairly well with my gym routine, though I haven’t been brave enough to poke my head in any of the classes yet.

I’m feeling pretty decent.  I’ve really enjoyed getting to know people in the scene locally. I seem to have a much stronger focus and more energy overall. I am more in tune with my Sir and his needs, I think, and I’m really connected with my own submission. I know that I’ve still got a lot to learn and there are many more steps before my journey is over, but I’m not put off by that.  I’m kind of happy with it, to be honest.

The anniversary of one of the worst days of my life thus far is just around the corner.  It’s been nearly a whole year since I hit rock bottom, and I am just so thankful that I can weigh the differences between this year and last year.  It’s such a stark contrast. This anniversary has been harder than I thought it would be- I initially thought it would just be exciting and so proud-making, looking at myself then and now.  It is that, of course, but there’s a world of emotion in remembering, as well. 

Anyway, my apologies for marring this blog’s name- the daily submissions have made their return!

My Back Hurts

Written By: gracie - Sep• 29•11

The orientation appointment went well. I feel confident that I can handle the machines, and that I’ll be able to go through the workout without too much trouble. However, my back is killing me right now. Tylenol barely touched it. Strengthening those muscles will be so very good for me in the long run, so I shall grit my teeth and bear it. I’ll be going back, as planned, on Friday.

It was cold last night, and I didn’t sleep well because of it.  Fall really does set in quickly around here. Soon there’ll be leaves to rake and then snow… Hmph. I’m feeling a lot drained and should be heading to bed. I just wanted to post an update today. Sorry I’ve missed a few lately!

Go Team!

Written By: gracie - Sep• 26•11

So, I made it to the gym today!  I also scheduled an orientation for the machines, which takes place tomorrow.  I love to swim, so my focus was primarily on the pool, plus that’s where my Sir was doing his workouts.  It was nice like that.  That said, I’m looking forward to getting involved again.  I’ve always had curves, but I’m pretty displeased with where I’m at right now.  My curves are trending outward in all the wrong places.  There are some classes I’m really looking forward to trying out, if I can get myself to go.  All in all, I’m quite looking forward to getting started.

Today my Sir gave me an amazingly wonderful session that started out with me taking him into my throat- I’m getting better at it! Also, we used better angles/positioning. He finished by fucking me, which felt so, so, so good.  I love being at his mercy so very much. He knows just what buttons to push and how hard to push them.  I enjoy giving him head, but nothing compares to taking his cock in my pussy.  I can’t wait to see how he handles me once I’ve shed a few pounds. Mmm.

He’s asked me to write about the first time I sucked his cock, and my memory isn’t as vivid as I would like, but here’s my recollection: 

I was nervous. I might be wrong, but I am almost positive it took place after we took a rather memorable shower together. He urged me onto my knees, and I was shaking a little bit. As I tried to get into position, I remember how hard the floor felt against my knees, and I remember that he was already fairly hard. I started sucking, something I’d wanted to do for ages, but I was uncertain. Enthusiastic, but still nervous. So then I tried to straighten up- we have a pretty significant height difference, so that took some time to navigate. Well, in the process of moving toward him, I banged my knee on something that was on the floor. I came down just right (or wrong!) and I fell apart. I started to cry. Then he helped me up and held me for a bit and took me into the bedroom. I sat on the edge of my Sir’s bed, at his direction, and he brought his cock to my lips.  That was a winning height for me to be at, more or less, and that was the first time I tasted him in my mouth.

I hope this is the right encounter! We did fuck like bunnies on those trips, so some of it blends together.

Frustrating Day

Written By: gracie - Sep• 25•11

My Sir has felt fairly well today, which is awesome.  I, however, have not.  I’ve felt out of sorts.  Anxious.  Jumpy.  Grouchy.  It’s true; I have those days.  Being as he felt so good, he thought it was a good time to get down to some serious play.  He did excellent things, like binding my hands together and then spank me with the belt.  Except the belt had no warm-up and kept striking too high. He moved on to the back-scratcher, which I can normally tolerate fairly well, but his strikes kept landing near my hip on one side. So I got grouchy about that. 

I could tell, too.  There was nothing yielding at all about my voice, and I could hear it. We did a few more personal activities and I finally had to safeword. I hate safewording.  Loathe it, actually.  I understand why it’s important, and I don’t want to discourage others from doing so, but I would almost rather suffer through than use it, most times.  I could tell he was frustrated with my response, and I was frustrated, too.  He worked really hard to satisfy a lot of my kinks, and I appreciated it more than I could express. 

I’ve just got jitters.  I’m going to the gym tomorrow to start working a little bit on my weight issues.  Going to the gym is worth three strings!  It’s also really difficult for me to do. I’d have it be worth 10, personally, but that’s just me. I’m trying to keep a positive attitude… failing.  Just about everything about today has me frustrated, and I don’t know what to do about it.  I thought I’d shake it off eventually, but I just haven’t been able to do that yet.

Moves Like Jagger

Written By: gracie - Sep• 24•11
“I don’t need to try to control you
just look into my eyes and I own you…”
 

I find inspiration, at times, in music.  I love Maroon 5, and this lyric caught my attention. I can never think of these songs at will, so I thought I would record this here. I remember watching the video for “This Love” and thinking that Adam Levine didn’t look like a typical “Hollywood-sexy” guy.  If he had been less confident, he wouldn’t have been able to pull off some of the songs they write, but dude has some swagger.

Confidence just works for me.  My Sir is confident. If he hadn’t been able to project that when we first met, it would have set a very, very different tone for the entire visit.  Not only that, but I would not have been as comfortable with myself. It’s funny to think of it in those terms, but a lot of what appeals to me about this dynamic is having that swagger, being swept up in that confidence and not doubting it for a second.  He does that.

We had a bit of a playful fight yesterday that ended with him on top of me and his hand on my neck. As passionate and involved as he was during the “fight,” he was cool as a cucumber when he had me by the throat. I love that dichotomy of the full strength emotional guy with the calm, collected, unruffled guy.  It’s just delicious.