Daily Submissions

Submission

Written By: gracie - Aug• 06•11

I tend to be a bratty submissive.  It suits our relationship, and it amuses my Sir.  We both enjoy a sort of back and forth banter- Verbal foreplay.  Initially, though, I felt as though my submission should be solemn and stone-faced.  I thought a lot of rules to micro-manage every part of my day would be the way to go. It was the stuff of fantasy.  I don’t know- maybe there are people who have this sort of lifestyle and it works for them, but it was purely in the realm of fantasy for me.

This is because, once I started having experiences in BDSM, I quickly realized that level of bondage doesn’t work for me.  I had myself so convinced that what I had imagined was actually the One True Way that I felt like a failure when I crumbled in the face of much less restrictive rules.  This is shame-inducing, but I even questioned my Sir’s commitment to his domination of me when he didn’t berate me for failing, and force me into what I thought I needed.

I feel ashamed primarily because he is almost unnaturally aware of my needs, and not because I think it’s unreasonable for me to question. That, too, is proof of the journey of understanding I’ve taken.  When it first entered my mind to question, I hoped that he would beat me for not trusting him implicitly… and I was disappointed when he didn’t.  There I go again, thinking he doesn’t know how to handle me.

It’s amazingly lucky that I ended up with my Sir.  Looking back at my thought patterns, I was ripe for abusers.  I might have kept up the cycle of my family’s dysfunction for another generation; perpetrated it for future generations to suffer.  It takes my breath away to think how close I came to doing that, and how lucky I am to have found someone who guides me with love, light, laughter and joy.

I take pleasure in being a bratty submissive for many reasons, but at the heart of it is that my Sir taught me to embrace the warmth and happiness in D/s.  I am His, not out of fear, out of love.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>