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Ow…. owwwwwwwah!

Written By: gracie - Aug• 05•11

This entry is brought to you by the word “pain.” It’s gonna be another short entry, and I know it’s going to be published on the 5th, technically.  Life is like that sometimes.

I sometimes fancy myself a masochist. I’m not, though; not really.  I want to be hurt sometimes, for sure. I get a little lightheaded when pain becomes a warm background sensation, and all I can do is scream “yes” and “more” in a base, guttural tone.  My tolerance for pain, though, is a completely different story.  Simply put, I am a wuss.  So imagine me, if you will, being bold, boisterous and headstrong- begging and outright daring my Sir to do something. It doesn’t matter what it is- you can imagine me asking him for a punch in the nose or a drink of water, or whatever floats your boat.

My confidence is absolutely unwavering, in this scenario. I need this. My dedication won’t let me think of backing down. I know that my begging is making him happy; I can hear it in the way his breath catches a little, and the way his eyes gleam wickedly.  I make promises, repeating them over and over. I make myself ready so he can do this thing to me at will, and beg until he moves. As I’m telling him, “Just do it, ignore anything I might say- there ARE NO SAFEWORDS….” he does this thing I’ve been begging him to do, and I collapse and begin to sob.

I know he laughed, and I can even understand why, given the circumstance, but I wasn’t laughing.  I was hurting. All my bravado was gone in that instant. It was literally the same sentence: “…there ARE NO SAFEWORDSOWWWWWAH I TAKE IT BACK, I TAKE IT BACK!”  After his laugh, my Sir immediately gathered me into his arms and offered comfort and held me.  My pride is probably hurt more than anything else, and I suspect I’ll be hearing repeats of those phrases for a while to come. Ah, well. I should know better… maybe this will help.

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