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I Lost Track of Time…

Written By: gracie - Oct• 22•11

I met with some local submissive ladies yesterday at one woman’s home. I’m proud of myself for attending, and I would have sincerely missed out if I had not gone, but… it didn’t go so well for me. I wasn’t prepared. ┬áIt is my own fault, too.

See, I had an anxiety attack. I couldn’t figure out how to politely excuse myself, and so I sat in my chair and laughed and watched and listened. It sounds stupid, I know. But I just couldn’t do it. Time stretched out. What began as two or three hours nearly doubled. There’s a party tonight, and everyone was excited. There were costumes to be planned, and people to get into trouble, and then there were Doms in the mix.

Two girls ended up half-naked, demonstrating how to crawl seductively across the floor. For all that I am open-minded and in touch with my sexuality, I’ve never been involved with any sort of public play. I could not take my eyes off of them. It was good natured and organic, but it also…. Well, I was overstimulated. Uh, not sexually speaking. Sensory overload, one might say. I was overloaded before they got naked.

Then, when I realized how late it was… and then I felt guilty. Hell, I feel jumpy today. I should have taken something to calm down before I went. I knew I was already on thin ice, but once I got into this social setting (regardless of the context!) it should have been apparent to me that I would need a boost.

It’s hard for me to even put into words. I’ve been trying all day, and this is the best I can do.

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