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The Right Way to do Kink

Written By: gracie - Sep• 23•11

Listen up, folks, because I am about to gift you all with my intimate knowledge of what the Right Way is! Aren’t you excited? Eager, even? You want to be Right, don’t you? Or do you, perhaps, suspect that this is a fake-out? That I couldn’t possibly know the single way to do this thing?  That your model has worked for your entire 25 year relationship, and a girl of a mere 32 years couldn’t possibly have big enough balls to say that you’ve been doing it wrong?  That, perhaps, there are as many different ways to “do” this thing as there are relationships?

Okay, fine, I admit it. I’m not going to tell you the Right Way, largely because such a thing does not exist. I mean, I might as well have named this entry “Hey, I Have a Map to a Unicorn Breeding Facility!” or “Look! Successful, Moderate Politicians Photographed Within!” right? Most people reading this blog already know that what works for them might not work for another couple.  But I have come across some new Dominants recently in my adventures in Fet, and sometimes I feel badly because of all the “Domlier-than-thou” that goes on sometimes. Submissive people get hit with it repeatedly, but I think there’s even more (or just different, perhaps) pressure on the newish Dominants.

One profile I read recently sounded almost apologetic because he wasn’t into extremes.  He suggested that his interests might not even qualify as kinks- perhaps he was more suited for vanilla. Okay, first of all, I have trouble with guys who come into the scene (brand new) and want to start with something like bloodletting. You have to crawl… well, it’s not a perfect analogy for a Dominant guy, but whatevs.  Crawl, then walk, then think about running. I guess if blood is all that interests someone, they can find ways to learn about that, but don’t inflict your inexperience on a submissive. Take the time to learn about it first.

I’ve lost my point. Sorry, anyway… I think it’s great to start with lighter activities, and if that’s all you want, chances are good there’s someone else interested in that sort of relationship.  Kink is NOT all about being dark and emo and whatever else. It can be, when it works that way, but there’s plenty of light to be found in this sort of thing.  I wrote him a note; told him that he should do what feels good, and not let anyone else dictate what that “should” be. (Within SSC, of course. I’m a big fan of SSC.)

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