It’s officially December and I need to get this thing back on track. I’ve been crazy-busy, as well as just plain crazy… no surprise, I’m sure. So, there’s no time like the present to get started on my new entry. This one will begin to sum up my Adventures in Fetlife. It’s called FAQ because I think one of the groups I’ve joined really needs it. I’m not naming the group, either.
Q: How do I ask/tell my D-type …?
A: See what you did in that post up there? That part that I’ve filled in with ‘…’? Say all that in his (or her) presence, at an appropriate time and place. Form the words in your language of choice (Ideally this will be one you are both fluent in), and birth them from betwixt your lips. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy; communication!
Q: What can I do to make my Dom… punish me when I misbehave instead of being lazy and not even noticing? (Similar themes include: be more controlling, be meaner, be more understanding, etc.)
A: You can’t. Communicate (see above) your wishes and needs in clear terms, and if your actual needs don’t get met, move on. It’s one thing if the D-type needs some prompting (newish, uncomfortable, or whatever the reason may be), or there’s a specific dynamic of sass (note to my readers: I hate the term SAM- Smart-Ass Masochist, so I don’t use it), but it’s kinda not the D-type’s job to change to suit your whims.
Q: Is being a submissive/slave exclusively in the bedroom inferior to 24/7? (Or, “Is being a submissive inferior to being a slave?”)
A: Nope, not at all. It’s a different dynamic, that’s all. That’s what the majority of your answers will look like, because it’s the truth. At least 60% of those people do not believe a word of it, but it’s the PC answer. They’re sort of like identical triplets. They may all be wrapped in the same trappings, but who they are and how they function within the world are exceedingly different. This leads to the next question…
Q: What is the difference between a submissive and a slave?
A: There is no universally agreed-upon definition to either term. I’ll go ahead right now and tell you what I believe the difference is, though. (Not as part of the FAQ, just usually that’s how the threads go.)
Q: My adult friend is in a D/s relationship and it’s clearly not healthy! Here’s why: XYZ. I’ve told her and told her that she deserves better, but she says she loves him and is happy! How do I make her leave him? Should I call the police and leave a tip about him?
A: Your friend is a consenting adult. Unless he is literally keeping her against her will, there is absolutely nothing you can (or, in my opinion, should) do to make her leave him. If you have knowledge and/or evidence that she is being held against her will, you should notify the authorities immediately. Be her friend, not her mother. If what he’s doing is unhealthy, she will need support more than judgement to get herself out.
To be continued…